Finding Yourself and You'll find love

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

Psychology says, If you aren’t happy single, you won’t be happy taken. Happiness comes from within, not from people.

Four years ago, I got my heart broken. I got betrayed by someone whom I thought I could trust. I let myself become vulnerable. It is a bad break up. I lost my confidence, my self esteem and maybe I even lost myself. I took the first bus, taking me miles and miles away from the pain.

I used to think that relationship is the key to happiness. After the longest relationship I had, I started dating again, getting to know other guys because I thought it will fix everything. I jumped into another relationship after 3 months. Yes, I believe in the 3 month rule. But it made the relationship I had much worse.

I realize that being single doesn't mean I'm lonely and being in a relationship means I'm happy. I need to find myself first, I need to get back my lost self esteem and confidence. I need to solve any past issue I had especially the trust issue I had in mind with anyone who gives an interest or attention to become part of my life. I need to love myself first before I begin to love again and get into a relationship.

No matter how hard the past you can always begin again - Buddha

So I keep myself busy with my career, with my friends and my family. After four years, unconsciously  I can eat alone in any restaurant, I can go to the movies alone, I can go shopping, take myself on a date. Enjoy the little things. I didn't feel lonely being alone in fact, I felt satisfied and happy. I still go out with my friends, office mates and my family, but there is this kind of happiness I feel when I'm alone.  I don't need any approval with anyone if I wanted to eat, shop or go to any place I want. I find freedom and solitude.

When I'm alone, I take a moment of silence. I recollect all the moments I have with my life. For four years I look back and realize I'm so far away with my old self. I let myself grow. I learned a lot and getting out of my comfort zone. I have self discovery, I learn to try things which I thought I could never do. I learned the art of travelling, I have travelled a lot for the past four years. I realize my self worth. I gain back my confidence and self esteem, I even get back my smile and the sound of my laughter who is truly happy inside out. I learned how to take care of myself. I know now want I want to do with my life, my likes and dislike without need of any validation. I have no longer felt insecure. Truly, happiness is not from the people, but from within in your own possession. I see the world in a whole new perspective.

Have enough courage to trust love again one more time and always one more time - Maya Angelou

My friends and I went to Manaoag Church as a side trip before going to Baguio in 2013. I was very contented with my life and happy being single. I was no longer felt insecure and I didn't mind the other people who asked why I wasn't married yet or dating someone. I do believe in love and I know there is someone for everyone like soulmates and finding that person who will love you unconditionally so I pray that when the right time comes to give me enough courage to love and begin again. But I now that I know my self worth I would never settle with anyone less than what I deserve. After that I wasn't looking for love and let the chips may fall where they may.

This year, I had so many achievements in my life. I experience my first solo backpacking, I travel to many new places this year, my parents got to celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary, got new found friends.

There are all kinds of love in the world, but never the same love twice - F. Scott Fitzgerald

And then I fall in love. Monica Drake says the Buddhists says if you meet somebody and heart pounds, your hands shake, your knees go weak. That's not the one. When you meet your soul mate, you'll feel calm, no anxiety and no agitation.

I let my walls and guard down, I take risks and let myself become vulnerable again. But I don't mind. I felt everything fell into their right places. Love really does happen when you least expect it. It happens, it really happens that someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked with anyone else before.

When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us become better too. - Paulo Coelho

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