Where do broken hearts go? : Life after the Break Up

Monday, September 21, 2015

Why am I writing this now? No, I'm not broken. But since I got over it I thought I want to share some of the things I've been through.

I've been to many relationship from the past. Serious relationship or just dating like getting to know stage. Some end up well and mutual but mostly end up worst.

Love is so short, Forgetting is so long - Pablo Neruda

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross said on her book On Death and Dying, there are 5 stages of grief. Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. And Acceptance.

The first 24 hour after the break up is the easier one and yet . You felt nothing. You can't cry but you can't smile either. You delayed the process because you don't want to feel the pain. You create your own reality that you were still together. You can still sleep and keep telling to yourself that tomorrow he will text you in the morning saying sorry.

No, sleep is not your freedom to endure the pain. You know the feeling of half awake and half asleep, that every time you wake up in the morning you felt a hole in your heart.

That awkward moment when your friends ask you what happened or if you're fine. You can tell joke about it and laugh but from the inside you can't even smile. I realize my sound of my laughter is different when I'm broken, I can laugh but not the same as I laugh that burst me into to tears. Whenever you are with your friends you feeling happy but when they gone you felt alone and remember the reality really bites.

It takes sometime before the break up will sink in, it will hit you big time. Then you'll get angry with your ex. "Siya ang nawalan" you tell it to yourself and keep convincing yourself that mantra to boost up your ego and pride. You try sneaking to your ex boyfriend Facebook account you stalked him. As much as possible you want to keep updated what's going on with his life and the other girl.

But even if you get angry with your ex, the moment that your cellphone beep there is always this hope that you wish he is the one that texted you. You take a back seat and rewind all the moments you had and asked yourself what you did wrong.

The urge feeling to call him in the middle of the night. Countless sleepless night and the suddenly you either lose some pounds or gain more because of too much eating. Yes, eating is one of the stress reliever.

Or you try date different guy but you constantly compare them to your ex or date them because they are similar with your ex. But then you'll never get satisfied.

They say good medicine tastes bitter, so it's okay to feel bitter for yourself you know you'll get better eventually.

After feeling bitter for yourself you'll get depressed. Is there anyone out there? You're not only alone but also lonely.

But eventually, time flies. It's okay not to be okay or feel sorry but you'll get over it.

So if you asked me where do broken hearts go? Here's what I've learned from the past, I also added some photos of myself from 2011 to 2015. Yes, 4 years in the making. Although I was totally healed and moved on in 2013 but I choose to be single so I could discover more about myself.

Graduation 2011. 
Stop Delaying. Face the truth, let the reality bites you. Cry all you want. Cry yourself to sleep. Cry when you wake up and realize it's over. Get freak out. Burst yourself into tears. Watch some romantic chic flicks movies and get bitter. It's okay not to be okay for now but you will eventually. The soonest you accept the fact the better. 

Pray and Meditate. Though I was bitter and always asked God what did I do wrong, or have I hurt someone from the past to deserve this kind of pain. Eventually I asked God to make me stronger and heal myself faster. I also try different activities like blogging. I also try to read some therapy books and novels. Have some quite time for yourself. Music also heals me, I go to concerts for the first time and I have this break up playlist which I play every time I go to work and went home, I really don't mind the manila traffic because while I was listening to my MP3 I talked to myself about how I am from the time I had my heart broken.

Fete Dela Musique 2012
Make Over. Well, most of the girls cut their hair after break up. There is nothing wrong about that. If you want, get a total make over to gain confidence gain and make yourself feel better. Go shop with new clothes, new sheets, paint your room, get a spa, color your nails and hair whatever. Be the best version of yourself.

Find support group. Be with your friends and family and have some quality time. Although I didn't tell my friends or my family about me having a broken heart being with them makes me happy. I go out with them, catching up and spend quality time. Eventually you realize you starting to smile and laugh again fully.

Baguio. 2013
Keep yourself busy. If you feel that whenever you are alone in your room and think about him all the time keep yourself busy. Find a new hobby like running, boxing, do it yourself craft on Pinterest whatever to keep your mind occupied. I keep myself busy with my career during those time and at the same time try photography and blogging as my new hobby.

Just stop. Stop stalking his Facebook account, Instagram or Twitter account or worst stop stalking him literally and trying to do ninja moves. Don't be a doormat. Stop bargaining and rewinding all the moments you had and what when wrong. Stop calling him in the middle of the night and begging. My last ex boyfriend got in touch again after 6 months I'm still not over with the betrayal he do and I never want to do be a doormat again so I change my phone number, block all his social media account. 

Magalawa Island. 2014

Be the Best Version of Yourself. 

Don't start dating. Not until you finally get over it and move on. Don't find any rebound relationship. Just because you are lonely doesn't mean you need to jump into another relationship again. And besides it is too unfair to the guy if you just date him or start a relationship with him when you are not fully recover. When I was still young, after break up I start to date again just like that but after the betrayal I felt with my ex boyfriend I gain trust issue to all the guys who wants to get to know me more. So as lesson learned I don't date anyone for 4 years. 

When life get's you down, you know what you gotta do? Just keep swimming - Dori
Cagbalete Island 2015.

Travel. Anywhere, whether around the metro or nearby provinces. Just travel anywhere you want to go. During my first three months after the break up I go to the places we used to go hoping he will still be there. So after I starting to get over him I travel to new places with my friends. I even set some new goals I want to do with my life. I experience camping, bonfire and back to basic life in Zambales. I finally got a chance to travel in Baguio which gives me surreal feeling. Travel really heals you because you discover something new about yourself. You get out of your comfort zone.

Take your time. Don't rush and be patient. Time really heals. Just hold on and never give up. No one ever said that there is a time line for moving on. You are the only one who will know if you moved on and fully recover. If you feel that you just remember his name not the moments you've share together, when you are no longer bitter and you even pray for that guy to have a happy life for me that's when you realize you are healed.

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